Ego Death: What It Means and What It Feels Like

In everyday talk, having a big ego means being full of yourself. In spiritual talk, the word means something wider.

Here, your ego is the story you tell about yourself. It is your name, your job, your past, your likes and dislikes, and the voice in your head that says "I am the kind of person who...". It is also the feeling that you are one separate person, inside your body, looking out at a world that is not you.

The ego is useful. It helps you remember who you are, keep your plans and look after yourself. Most spiritual traditions do not see it as bad. They just say it is not the whole picture.

Ego death is a time when that story, and the feeling of being a separate self, goes quiet or falls away. People describe it as the line between "me" and "everything else" disappearing. There is still awareness, but no clear sense of a person having it.

It is not literal dying. Your body is fine, and the sense of self usually comes back within minutes or hours. The word death is used because, in the moment, it can feel like the end of who you are.

Similar ideas show up in many traditions. Buddhism teaches anatta, or not-self, the idea that there is no fixed, lasting self. Sufi Muslims speak of fana, a passing away of the self in God. Some people also see ego death as one part of a wider spiritual awakening.

People report ego death in a few main settings:

• Deep meditation: After long practice or on a retreat, the sense of self can suddenly drop away.
• Near-death or crisis moments: An accident, an illness or a time of great despair can break the usual sense of self. Eckhart Tolle describes something like this in the opening of The Power of Now.
• Psychedelic drugs: Ego death is often reported with drugs like LSD and psilocybin mushrooms. In 1964, Timothy Leary, Ralph Metzner and Richard Alpert, later known as Ram Dass, wrote about ego loss in their book The Psychedelic Experience. You can read about Ram Dass in our review of Be Here Now.

Two people can go through the same thing and describe it in opposite ways.

• Peaceful: A deep calm, a feeling of oneness with everything, and relief from worry. Some people cry with joy or say they felt love for all of life.
• Scary: Panic, a fear that you are dying or going crazy, or a sense that you will never come back. Some people try to hold on, which can make it feel worse.
• Strange afterward: For a while after, the world may look new, or you may feel a little unreal, like you are watching yourself from outside.

A scary experience does not mean you did it wrong. A peaceful one does not make you more spiritual than anyone else. Both are just experiences, and both are worth taking time to settle after.

Grounding means gently coming back to your body and your daily life.

1. 1Use your sensesName five things you can see, four you can touch and three you can hear.
2. 2Eat and drinkA warm meal and a glass of water help your body feel safe again.
3. 3SleepAim for a full night. Rest is one of the best ways to settle.
4. 4Move and get outsideWalk, stretch or stand barefoot on grass.
5. 5Pause big decisionsWait a few weeks before quitting a job or ending a relationship because of what you felt.
6. 6Talk and writeShare it with someone you trust, and write down what happened while it is fresh.

Most people feel like themselves again within hours or days. Please reach out to a doctor or therapist if:

• It lasts: You still feel unreal, detached or like you are not in your body after a few days.
• You cannot sleep: You go two or more nights with little or no sleep.
• Fear takes over: You have panic attacks, or you are afraid to be alone.
• Your thinking changes: You hear voices, feel watched, or believe you have a special mission and cannot be harmed.

Our guide to spiritual awakening or psychosis explains these warning signs in more detail.